Why do you deserve money?

Why do you deserve money? Well this is a loaded question! It might immediately conjure up other questions. Do I really deserve money? Do some people deserve money and others not? Do some people deserve more money than others? Why should I deserve money when others clearly have even less than me?

In this blog I’ll cover:

  1. The meaning of the word, ‘deserve’

  2. 15 reasons why I deserve money

  3. Tips on how to more easily discover why you deserve money

How easily can you make a list of 10 reasons why you deserve money? I seriously struggled.

This was the first ‘to get rich’ homework in Jen Sincero’s book, You Are A Badass AT Making Money. (Here’s the revealing story of why I’m doing this). In all honesty, I didn’t know one reason why I deserved money, let alone 10. I even Googled, ‘why do you deserve money’! I scribbled a few things down, then scribbled them out again, questioning if that was the right direction to go in. Was there a right way and wrong way of going about this? I don’t know. So I took time out, mulling this question over in my head for a few weeks over Christmas and New Year.

D-e-s-e-r-v-e

We all see such severe financial disparity on a daily basis that it’s hard to think about being deserving of money. I have felt a mixture of heartache, guilt and frustration when I see heart rending fundraising adverts on the TV (especially those related to children now that I am an a mother), when I walk by a homeless person (especially in the winter), or when I have been paying for a trolley full of food and I see a parent with multiple children with far far less in their trolly than I. The word deserve doesn’t seem right in such very real scenarios. To move on effectively, I reminded myself that the question wasn’t, ‘why do people deserve hardship,’ but why I deserve money.

I looked up the definition of deserve. That totally didn’t help. At first. It’s tied up in worthiness, being good enough, entitlement, reward and punishment, and whether or not you have a right to something. How do you feel about the word deserve? Here are some definitions.

  • “Do something or have or show qualities worthy of (a reaction which rewards or punishes as appropriate)

  • “To have earned or to be given something because of the way you have behaved or the qualities you have”

    • After all that hard work, you deserve a holiday

    • Chris deserves our special thanks for all his efforts

    • I hope they get the punishment they deserve

    • They certainly deserved to win that game.

  • “If you say that a person or thing deserves something, you mean that they should have it or receive it because of their actions or qualities

At first all I saw here was the need to do something or behave/act in a certain way in order to deserve. In the end I realised my stumbling block with the word, ‘deserve,’ wasn’t that behaviours, actions and thoughts get certain outcomes and judgements (fact) the issue was whether the outcomes and judgements were fair. And that’s a different issue.

Then I saw the word qualities. We all have deserving qualities right? That was a helpful discovery. Of the things we can control, some people do work harder, some people do put more effort in. We all behave in certain ways that give us all different outcomes. The more I learn about the topic of money, the more I realise that people who have more money tend to think and behave in specific ways that aren’t necessarily easy. But this isn’t about passing judgement. This is an internal very personal analysis.

This is about gaining clarity on the fact that I am (you are) a worthy human being that deserves good things and experiences — money is a key ingredient to the good things and experiences I (you) deserve.

I read, reread and highlighted the first chapter in the Jen Sincero book and listened to the audio version. Slowly the answers that were right for me started to crystallise in my mind. Could this struggle indicate that I have a long way to becoming a money magnet badass? Maybe. Although I didn’t insist on a list of 10 reasons, when I asked my husband why he deserves money he did not hesitate, saying, “I deserve money as much as anyone else. Why not me? I can do great things with money.” OK… Why was I struggling again?! Could this be why he seems to attract financial success way better than me? It’s probably a strong contributing factor.

15 reasons why I deserve money

After much deliberation I got there in the end - yay me! I even came up with more than 10 reasons… Then I share my tips on how to tackle this for yourself.

  1. I deserve money because I am worthy of it

  2. I deserve money to help me provide a place of security, wonder and joy for my children

  3. I deserve money so I can satisfy and live out the desires of my heart (Jen says our desires are clues about who we should be)

  4. I deserve money to help me achieve my goals

  5. I deserve money to help me flourish fully through my gifts and talents

  6. I deserve money to help me reach the fullest expression of myself

  7. I deserve money to help me bloom into the best possible version of myself

  8. I deserve money so I can afford all the things and experiences required to live my fullest life

  9. I deserve money so I can be as generous as I feel

  10. I deserve money so I can act upon, do something about and give to the things that matter

  11. I deserve money to satisfy my curiosity, to keep evolving and growing

  12. I deserve money so I can experience more beauty, fun and joy

  13. I deserve money which gives me freedom and options

  14. I deserve money to travel and experience the wonders of this world

  15. I deserve money to help me be content

Giving ourselves permission to get rich

Of course, I can do many of these things without money. Yes, I can and do experience joy in my everyday. I do provide a place of security, wonder and joy for Marley. I can be generous with what I have.

But the truth of the matter is, all the above are positively affected by money. Money allows me to broaden my experiences which brings more joy and fun. Money enables me to have significant savings for Marley, choose what school he goes to and gives him limitless experiences to learn, grow and experience. Having money would mean I could make a real tangible difference to the lives of others.

And I definitely can’t do some of these things without money. Right now, I am not the best version of myself, I am not living my fullest life and many of my hearts desires are not satisfied.

I love Jen Sincero’s definition of rich.

“RICH: Able to afford all the things and experiences required to fully experience your most authentic life.”

She goes on to say, “While the amount of money you will need will depend on who you are and what you desire, ain’t nobody riding for free. No. Body. We live in a world where, like it or not, nearly everything required in your growth, pursuit of happiness, and self expression costs money.”

So, I’m choosing to believe that I deserve not to shrink back and be small. Contrary to what my life may look like, I am currently living in lack. Lack smothers flourishing, freedom and desire. I could explain away the 15 reasons why I deserve money. I could justify why I don’t need money to have all the things I wrote above, or why it’s perfectly ok to be where I am. But that would be following old patterns and settling for mediocrity. It would be the opposite of brave.

Tips on getting clear on why you deserve money

  1. Sit quietly with no interruptions (I did this at 5am in a blissfully quiet house)

  2. Think and don’t judge the thoughts (or lack of) that come to you

  3. Write down what comes to you

  4. Take a break if you need to

  5. Work on your understanding of the word, ‘deserve’

  6. Think about who you would be, and what you would change, if money was not your limiting factor

  7. Don’t assume that you having money means others must have less or go without

Have you tackled why you deserve money?

This wasn’t an easy task for me. Have you stopped to think about why you deserve money? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic. Here’s how I’d love to connect with you:

  • Sign up to my newsletter — I would so appreciate you being one of my first 100 subscribers ;-)

  • Follow me and join the money, motherhood and meaning conversation on Instagram

  • Buy Jen Sincero’s book on Amazon and let’s do the homework together —  references to the book in this blog are affiliate links so if you do buy the book, I will earn a small commission at no additional cost to you. (Psst, I have no idea what I am doing yet, but I’m doing it anyway!)

  • Or simply, comment in blog comments below

Thank you, xxx

A life long dissatisfaction with money and what I’m doing about it

I have been dissatisfied with money all my life.

In early childhood I became aware of the doors it could open and close, depending on whether you had it or not. Whilst I had a great childhood, many of the doors I wanted to open were locked! In my teens, my cousin and I plotted how we would make it big so we could buy whatever we wanted (we now know there’s more to just buying). In my twenties I got my dream first class degree and my first proper job. Except in the end, it wasn’t so ‘proper’ and neither was the job after that.

And so began my journey into self employment — the world of figuring things out as you go along, working days, nights and weekends, often, and certainly in my case, with no immediate substantial financial reward. It is a world in which you face your own incessant fears and doubts, not at all helped by the anxiety and skepticism of those around you.

So, here I am in my late thirties, staring at this lifelong dissatisfaction with money and deciding I’ve got to do something about it. I’ve got to get to the bottom of why life has been, and is great, in so many ways, except the money thing.

  • Great marriage ✓

  • Happy, healthy little boy ✓

  • Close family and friends ✓

  • Personal health ✓

  • A home to call my own ✓

  • Education and opportunities ✓

  • Money ✗

Yup, my personal finances are distinctly average, and quite possibly, below average.

Discovering badassery

On my 37th birthday I wrote a letter to myself and started thinking deeply about what my issues with money may be. They say, when the student is ready the teacher will appear…. Enter Jen Sincero’s, ‘You Are A Badass At Making Money’. It spoke to me as I scrolled through Amazon.

Circa two weeks into the audiobook I bought the actual book. I don’t have the luxury of focused listens - my audiobooks experience is more like multitasking snippets in between 24/7 mamahood responsibilities. I had the urge to highlight and reread - not something you can easily do on audiobooks.

The problem with notebooks

One morning, as I started scrawling the You Are A Badass ‘homework’, I found my son’s scribble on my notes and my husband’s DIY to do list on the next blank page… Seriously boys?

I’m doing this self work at 5am in the morning. I can’t afford to disturb my light sleeper of a toddler or our nervy dog while I’m creeping around avoiding squeaky floorboards and squawking toys while I’m trying to find my notebook in all its beautiful physicalness.

I adore notebooks but in this life they get moved by tiny hands, buried by laundry, or forgotten downstairs when I need it upstairs, where I am imprisoned by squeaky floorboards, especially in the early hours when little people sleep even lighter, seeming to sense you are awake, juggling 20 important things to do before they wake.

Could (little me) write a money blog?

One early morning, amidst the humdrum of 10,000 thoughts, a little voice in my head whispered, “Use your blog”… You know the one. The blog I’ve been paying for that has sat unused for years… The blog that has meant to house my love of writing... The blog that has needed me to find something to write about…

And so I promptly ignored this little piece of intuition. I mean people don’t talk openly about money. It’s one of the sticky topics like religion, politics and race where people aren’t too sure whether they should say what they’re thinking. Should I really be putting my money story out there? This could get really embarrassing. And who the hell am I to offer opinions and advice on money? I have zero credibility on the topic. This was exactly why I was not going to write about money until I heard Jen say,

“Listen to your intuition during meditation, visualisation or just running around being you, and the moment you get a brilliant idea that would move you in the direction of your financial dreams, jump on it. Go for it like you’ve never gone for it before. Leap like the largest leaping leaper ever. Notice any crappy thoughts that come up while you’re in mid air, and rewrite them, but do not stop your forward motion in order to do so. The successful completion of this one exercise could land you in full-on badassery. Just sayin’”. Jen Sincero

After that wake up call, I turned my attention to resurrecting this blog, trying hard not to get distracted by design choices, which could quite easily chew up hours of my very limited time and stop my forward motion. I am facing my fears, yes but’s, and 101 reasons not to do this. I am using this blog to explore my lifelong dissatisfaction with money. I am going to use it to unravel my money issues with a lot of help from authors and podcasters along the way, starting with Jen Sincero’s You Are A Badass At Making Money. I am leaping like the largest leaping leaper ever.

Money, motherhood and meaning

So I started writing and thinking about the angle of this blog. I don’t want a dirty laundry diary. I don’t want one of those blogs that talks about me all-the-time. I’ve toyed with starting a mummy blog, but there are gazillions of them. What could possibly make my mummy blog unique and therefore worth reading? Money. The answer is money.

Motherhood has done something to me. As a mother, I desire financial success more than ever. For the sake of my son and the things I want to do with and for him, the money frustration is bubbling more ferociously inside of me. I know I’m not the only mother feeling this frustration. Conversations with other mothers and threads I’ve read on Instagram confirm this. Money brings safety, security, promise, opportunity and joy — things that mothers desire for their children.

But money isn’t everything right? True. Not true. Everything in between. We are all seeking meaning of some kind. Satisfaction. Significance. Purpose. Worthiness. Fulfillment. 

And so, this blog about money, motherhood and meaning came to be.


Does any of this resonate?

If we dare to speak of it, opinions about money vary significantly. I dare you to speak about it, explore it and face it just like I have dared myself. Here’s how I’d love to connect with you:

  • Sign up to my newsletter — I would so appreciate you being one of my first 100 subscribers ;-)

  • Follow me and join the money, motherhood and meaning conversation on Instagram

  • Buy Jen Sincero’s book on Amazon and let’s do the homework together —  references to the book in this blog are affiliate links so if you do buy the book, I will earn a small commission at no additional cost to you. (Psst, I have no idea what I am doing yet, but I’m doing it anyway! So when I do get an email to say someone has bought something via my affiliate link I will be super excited and bowled over…)

  • Or simply, comment in blog comments below

Thank you, xxx

A letter to myself at 37 — a self analysis by stepping outside of myself (+ tips on how to do this)

Dear Sara,

You turned 37 today. You see 40 looming and you are scared. It feels like time is running out. You had (have) such big dreams and it seems like they are eluding you. You are tossed between feeling dissatisfied with life, to feeling ungrateful for all the good in your life. Life is so full and yet so empty. So, what can you do about this?

Shine your light and fear less

Sara, stop hiding your light. You fear no one will notice and yet you fear judgement. What a conundrum. Because the world is overloaded with content you dodge creating more. But you love writing. You don’t have to have it all figured out to make a start.

“The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.” — Joseph Campbell

You worry about content, word counts, time limits, fonts, visuals and technical ability. These worries and fears are stopping you from taking action. And it is action that will teach you what you need to know. You will win and fail. Both will hold valuable lessons. The faster you act, the faster you will learn, and the faster you will succeed.

Be thankful — thank and you will be full

Sara, give thanks for the love that encircles you. You often think you are lonely, but you have more quality friendships than you realise. You have a husband that loves you deeply and a son that calls for you. You have family. It is big and scattered, but you have special family members who always have your back. You have in-laws that you actually get on with. This can be quite a rare thing.

“Be grateful for what you already have while you pursue your goals. If you aren’t grateful for what you already have, what makes you think you would be happy with more.” – Roy T. Bennett

Value what you have achieved. You may not be where you want to be, but you sure are a long way off from where you started. Appreciate your body and your mind. You are healthy. So is your family (mostly).

Look at the word ‘thankful’. ‘Thank-ful’. Maybe, if you thank, you will be full.

Let people be

Sara, what other people say, do and believe, is absolutely beyond your control. What you do have control over is how you respond.

“The older I get, the more I believe that the greatest kindness is acceptance.” ― Christina Baker Kline

It will help if you stop expecting people to treat you a certain way. Accept people for where they are on their journey. This can be very difficult to do with people you love, but you will be less disappointed and more able to celebrate the good in them.

Reach the finish line

Sara, you are now aware that you tend not to finish things. This awareness will serve you well.

Count your unfinished projects, books, notebooks — eek! This decade long writing project that hasn’t got off the ground. The 3 year old unfinished e-book course. The fab at 30 project. Fab at 37 hasn’t got the same ring to it, has it? You love ‘shiny new things’. But the art is in the application, the doing, the completing.

“To get to your finish line, you’ll have to try lots of different paths.” ― Amby Burfoot

There are two types of finish lines. 1. Completing the things that are important. 2. Knowing what and when to finish and leave something behind. Deciphering what is important and what you must leave behind is your biggest challenge right now. You do not have the answers yet. Let yourself sit with the fear, turmoil and unknown. The answers will come. You will come through a significantly better version of yourself. Keep trying until you find the right path for you.

Believe in making it through

Every day that you experience is another set of achievements and lessons. Minutes. Hours. Days. In time you will find that you have made it through the things that seemed impossible.

“No one can tell what goes on in between the person you were and the person you become. No one can chart that blue and lonely section of hell. There are no maps of the change. You just come out the other side. “ ― Stephen King, The Stand

Somehow, at a place beyond all the gargantuan effort you put in, beyond the overthinking, the crippling fear and debate you have with yourself and others, somehow beyond all that, you will make it through.


Self analysis tips

When I started writing this analysis about myself, I started to feel sorry for myself. That is not what I wanted to achieve. Rather I wanted the outcome to be more like wise words from a teacher, guide or friend.

By stepping outside of myself I was no longer speaking in the first person, like I am now. It felt like I was guiding someone else rather than myself, which is a lot easier to do! By taking a ‘birds eye view’ of myself or being a ‘fly on the wall' of my current state of mind, I was able to be less emotional and significantly more matter of fact.

The experience is like decanting the wild waves of the stormy sea into a neat row of glass bottles. The water is exactly the same. The presentation is completely different. It is calm and more ordered so you can process the contents more easily.

In my silly busy world of juggling toddler, relationship, health, work and home (with its never ending need to be tidied and piles of laundry), there is no time for uninterrupted self reflection. So my thoughts, self talk and inner knowing are like the wild waves of the stormy sea. I bet you can relate! This ‘external’ self analysis helped me unravel, untangle and present the wisdom floating around my head in a way that I can process and revisit again and again.

Key steps

  1. I did this on my laptop. Yup. I think you can do this freehand or whatever technology you desire ― see what works for you.

  2. Write as if you are writing to someone you love and care for deeply.

  3. Write about how this person you love (you) feels right now. This is like setup statement, something that frames the important issues for you right now.

  4. It may help to ask yourself a question. I asked, “What can you do about this?” But it can be any question that is relevant to you.

  5. Don’t feel the need to stop your train of thought or edit what is pouring out of you ― presentation can come later (if needed).

  6. If lots of thoughts are coming at you, just write the keywords down, then come back to them. If they are needed you will easily be able to expand. If you find they fade, let them fade.

  7. You’ll probably feel silly at some point. I felt like the whole thing was pointless and a waste of time, intermittently, throughout the exercise. But having persisted, I have found the direction soothing, calming and powerfully on point.

If you try this, let me know how you get on! Or just share whatever you get out of this (now very public) self analysis. Simply comment or get in touch sara[@]somethingbeckons.co.uk Thank you!