Maybe there is no solution

In March I wrote about the things that are important to me. I wrote about how some things are going to have to take a back seat for a season. My challenge was to work out what can take a back seat out of this list?

  1. Take care of Marley
  2. Cultivate my relationship with hubby
  3. Get back into shape post pregnancy— eat well and exercise
  4. Two hours a day minimum on my work
  5. Maintaining and tidy and organised home
  6. Finish the house project
  7. Quiet spiritual time
  8. Time to just live, be and have fun
After much thought, the difficult truth is there is no solution. I’m not prepared to let any of these slip. So what now? The realisation that I’m going to have to spread myself rather thinly across the board.

Some will take more of a priority but life will be a little too empty and incomplete without any one of these things in it.

Turning challenges into positives

Sleep. It's a simple thing really. Well, its wonderfully complex from a scientific and biological perspective. Whichever way you look at, sleep becomes a very different experience after you have a baby.  

After 14 weeks (yep, that's three and a half months) of hideous nights with Marley, quite a few tearful breakdowns (mine and Marley's) I decided to take on sleep as a challenge. I became a seeker of sleep knowledge. I read books and websites like Precious Little Sleep and Baby Sleep Site.

Marley is now nearly 20 weeks old. For the last week or so we have all been enjoying blocks of three to four hours of sleep. That may sound like a broken night to you, but considering Marley started off waking hourly, this stage is snugly (as night time should be) and absolutely blissful!

How did we get here:

  • Marley is getting older and his sleep cycles are naturally maturing
  • Day time naps, although still a battle, and very short, at 30 to 40 minutes, have become essential ingredients for a good night
  • Stopped automatically feeding Marley every time he woke
I know its not always going to be smooth sailing. But I have learnt that no matter how bleak the situation (and I think this has been one of the bleakest experiences of my life), challenges will usually give way to a lesson, blessing or new beginning. 
— //Sara Drawwater

This ongoing experience has turned out to be all three for me, lessons, blessings and new beginnings.

Appreciating when you can't do something you want to do

Yesterday the sun was out and we had a lovely day as a family. Hubby and I want to start taking turns doing Park Run on a Saturday morning (until Marley can scoot round then we can all do it together :-). We went to Ferry Meadows to do a recce and had a lovely long walk round the lakes with Marley and Rocki. We had a coffee in the sunshine and then looked round the gift shop which surprised me because it was filled with lots of nice pieces.

The rest of the day involved sitting in the garden and a tasty family BBQ before we raced back home to get Marley in bed on time. 

We decided to chill out in bed and take in the evening sunset (this is a dawn view). But when I got my laptop out to do my 10 minutes of writing, hubby wasn't very keen. "Talk to me instead," he said. 

Sometimes you have to choose between two good things. Celebrate and appreciate this.

Thinking about it for a split second, I figured that kind of invitation wasn't worth getting frustrated about. Appreciating that I had two good things to do at the same time, I decided to write twice today and enjoy the conversation.

Absolute mind blanks — is this sleep deprivation?

Yesterday I completely forgot to write! Since I started this 10 minutes of writing a day, I've been conscious of my commitment and the need to write each day. I knew when I slipped up and didn't write. But yesterday, this blog was something I just didn't think about.

It wasn’t a hideously overwhelming or terrible day. I’ve had a lot of them in the last four and a half months but I can’t say Marley was difficult.

I just blanked. And the slightly concerning this is that these mind blanks have been happening quite a bit, enough for me to notice. The biggest worry has been when I can't remember a word I should absolutely know, like a term I use all the time for work, or one I have literally just used. 

I’m putting it down to my four and a half months of not a single full night’s sleep (otherwise known as torture).

I can blame sleep deprivation right? But as Marley gets better and better at sleeping I should see an improvement write?

The issue with our ageing selves

Someone I know is turning 30. And so we turned to the conversation about how much it bothered her. I too am guilty of this negative age talk. It's never been an issue before. Probably because I was on the right side of the years.

But I'm turning 36 this year so I am helter skeltering towards my 40th. The thought unnerves me! Why? Mainly because I don't feel like I have achieved everything I should have by now and I have so much left to do. I really don't feel that 'old' and I certainly don't want to give in to an aging body.

I want to stay slim, unfrumpy and energetic. I want to stay relevant. I want more time to explore, learn and grow.

Equally important to me is the ability to age with grace. And so I need to bury the issue and come to terms with my ageing self. 

The 'book ends' of your life

I met with two old friends today, Philomena Timberlake who works with her husband Mark to produce online courses and Corrina Kennedy of Pathway Balancing. We are all self employed and have met every 5 weeks or so for the last 8 years! We're somewhat of a mastermind group and have seen each other through some very bleak times and some very joyous times, both in business and personally.  

Today we talked about the things that form the foundation and support of your life — the ‘book ends’ that keep you from toppling over.

These are things that are core to your life, like key people, beliefs, routines and work.

It made me think about my 'book ends' and how much I appreciate them. I'll write about these in more detail when I have more time. Actually, I never have more time so I'll rephrase that. I'll write about these another day, in another 10 minute slot. In the mean time, what are your book ends? Have you stopped to appreciate them lately?

The myth of time

We're all guilty of saying:

  • "When I am celebrating I'll wear...,"
  • "When I have time I will...,"
  • "When we have a free weekend we'll...,"

Now that I am faced with the biggest time limitation I ever had (thanks Marley Drawwater) I'm convinced there is never ever a good time. Wear your nice clothes today. Do the things you keep putting off. Make this weekend free and go and live. 

Time is a mythical creature. It does not stand still. It slips through your fingers. You see it and then you don’t, it’s rhythm and pace driven by a force outside of your control. 
— Sara Drawwater